Long time no blog! But we are home again, and so although I can’t now regale you with our latest travelling adventures, I think coming home is very much part of the trip and I have been asked numerous times how things have been since our return. It was interesting that as the final weeks passed and our Big Trip drew to a close, we were all very cool about the prospect of going home. To be sure, we were sad to leave New Zealand, but also ready to get on with our lives back in England.
After 3 months in Opua, the school term came to an end, and we started to say our good-byes. We went to the old Anglican church in Russell for our last church service, where the congregation had made us so welcome. We had farewell suppers at friend’s houses and various people popped around to say goodbye. The boys went to a final birthday party with a group of home schoolers from the yachts and we generally got packed up.
At last, the car was loaded, the house was clean, and it was time to head down to Auckland. But there was one more goodbye to go and that was Sam, who had been so kind to the boys. It was all quite emotional with loads of fist bumps and manly handshakes but finally we were on our way. We had a couple of days in Auckland before heading to the Airport and onto the mammoth flight home.
The first leg was Auckland to Doha a 17hr30 flight. At Doha I took the boys to the spa in the airport and paid for the most expensive swim in history. The journey was well over 30 hours door-to-door with the dreaded jet lag to boot. I have been to NZ many times, but I always forget just how far away it is. Having endured the journey, it was such fun to arrive at our new home at Forceleap, where Rach (the boy’s nanny) was waiting for us. All I can say is that there was a lot of hugs and cuddles and sitting on knees and we had a procession of visitors including, of course, Dad, Eleanor and Margaret, it was lovely.
Before our trip, I decided we should move to the farmhouse on our return. But this would involve a renovation as it had not had a lot of work for many years. So, we would need a new boiler, kitchen, bathroom, windows and there were some damp problems to sort out. I also decided to split the house to create a 1-bed annex, which I think will be useful.
Unfortunately, despite everyone’s best efforts, the house was not habitable on our return. The team had, however, pulled out all the stops, and the annex was ready and so that was home for the first 6 weeks.
Soon after our return I managed to get Covid for the 2nd time, but this time it was nasty. I was in bed for 4 days and at one point passed out in the bathroom at 2am, where poor Toby found me. He got in a bit of a panic, as he thought I was dead, (or nearly dead), and was confronted with the choice of either calling an ambulance or Aunt Eleanor…so he called Aunt Eleanor. Anyway, all was well, although I have struggled to throw off the cough it produced.
The very sad event that happened almost immediately on our return, was that our next-door neighbour Mrs Dashwood died. Although she was well into her 90s, she really has been the boy’s pseudo granny and one of my best friends. We called her from our trip many times, and she would always embark on the conversation by saying, “Well, I’m still alive, but when are you getting home.” I knew she was getting weaker, but I will really miss her, she was such fun.
Having re-enrolled the boys at the local village school, they were able to go to the last 2 days of term, which was great. We then embarked on the summer holidays, but as we could not unpack and were rather squished into the annex, I tried to get us out and about as much as possible.
So, the boys did various camps (from sailing to survival camp) and we did our annual Townsend migration to Devon for a week before heading up to Northumberland to stay with our cousins and see Hadrian’s wall. From there we headed into Scotland for a few days, after which, we were able to start moving into the main house and gradually get out of the annex. As the holidays neared their end we began to prepare for school, with the preschool haircut being particularly eventful. Toby is insisting on keeping his Kiwi mullet and Mikey wanted all his hair shaved off, so we compromised on a no4 all over. School is going well, and they have also settled back into their clubs such as Cubs and are doing their Karate, and so life for them has largely returned to normal.
People keep asking how the trip has affected the boys, but I don’t really know. It is true, that from time to time I hear them muttering away in Māori, when they are intently concentrating on something. But how has the overall experience affected them? Who knows, it is hard to say what they would have been like if they had not gone on the trip! Although I am sure it will influence them, children are so much more flexible than adults, and generally they don’t over analyse things as they live far more in the now. For the boys, we were in Africa, and then we were in New Zealand and now we are home…end of story. As far as they are concerned, we did fun things; we met nice people, they were OK, so that is all fine.
Being an adult, I probably over thought the whole thing! I experienced our travels by my knowledge of the past, as well as the trip itself, and by considering how it might affect the future…so not living in the now at all! I think I set off thinking, “I am pretty good at this parent thing!” But this became an area of focus, after seeing all sorts of different families in action, and them seeing how I parent at close quarters, and commenting on it! I had to face up to the reality that maybe I was not quite as good as I thought I was! Now, that was quite a painful realisation, but cathartic at the same time. Once I accepted the possibility that maybe I could improve and that I wanted to be the best mum I can be, I became open to learning. I realised that I could not just do what comes naturally and expect things to change. I had to work at it and so I started to actively study parenting and seek parenting advice from the amazing people around me. I was picking up tips from people in Africa, Fiji, NZ but I also joined various parenting forums and courses from South Africa, US, and Europe. I wanted to really try to embrace more of a coach method of parenting, rather than the raging dictator! I read the 5 languages of love for kids which was an eye opener and made me realise that, although I obviously love my kids with all my heart, I was not necessarily showing that to them in a way they could absorb or understand. They clearly felt cared for and safe, but not necessarily loved. So, my experience has been fascinating and a real eye opener and, although I think learning is an ongoing thing, I do feel like I have grown as a person and that my relationship with the boys will be stronger and more loving as a result.
Apart from parenting, I think I have also thought a lot about my life at home and I can see how complex it is, compared to the far simpler one we had on our trip. I think the modern world drives us all to massively over gear our lives. We have limitless choices and with that comes judgement and anxiety. Having a car means you can “pop” to somewhere, that if you had a horse, would be several days ride. Phones mean you can make fluid arrangements on the fly. Having the internet means we all have access to anyone, anywhere in the world and at the click of a button you can buy most things without feeling like you have spent any money. But just because you can engage with extreme choice, and just because that might make us comfortable, it does not make us more productive or more fulfilled. I just don’t think we are really equipped to deal with the complexity and extreme amount of choice the modern world gives us. But ultimately, we live in 2024 AKA the modern world, and so should I best deal with it remains an unanswered question. But, in conclusion we are back, we had a great time, the boys enjoyed it but only time will tell what it will lead to. So that is it from me but thank you for reading my ramblings and hope my blogs have been of some interest to you. Alice
NOTICE
Alices Talk - For those who live locally to Charlton, the boys and I are doing a talk about our big trip this Thursday 17th at 7pm at the Village Hall. All welcome but just let me know if you are coming so I can keep tabs on numbers
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